What happens when a person — by choice or circumstance — re-experiences a traumatic event in a new and wholly positive way? Can healing occur by overlaying a painful experience with a positive one? I refer here to small “t” traumas — profoundly distressing events that, while significant, differ from capital “T” traumas. Sexual assault, for instance, can never be re-experienced in a positive way, regardless of context or mindset.
Central to the experience of trauma are helplessness, isolation, and the loss of power and control. Sensations, environments, and ideas once interpreted as safe and normative can be recast as threats. Trauma recovery is a process that unfolds over time and through intentional stages. In her seminal work Trauma and Recovery (1992), Dr. Judith Herman outlines three phases of recovery:
- Safety and Stabilization
- Remembrance and Mourning
- Reconstruction and Integration
Meet S.J…
Following an extremely difficult labor and delivery, S.J. gave birth prematurely to a son with a rare genetic condition. The baby spent nearly two months in the NICU and his first year undergoing multiple surgeries. S.J. believed her body had “failed her” and carried immense guilt and anger. At age 40, she assumed this traumatic childbirth — with its accompanying grief and complications — would be her only parenting experience. She struggled to bond with her son, grieving the ambiguous loss of raising a child who could meet all the normative milestones from birth.
When she and her husband unexpectedly conceived a second time, she was faced with the daunting reality of reliving childbirth and its aftermath. Any joy at the surprise pregnancy was quickly eclipsed by fear. Would there be more complications? Another undetected genetic condition? Would she bond with this baby or again withdraw in the throes of postpartum depression? Her fears, though not always rational, were understandable given her previous experience.
Nine months later, a healthy baby boy was born. Labor and delivery were seamless. S.J. embraced the normal challenges of caring for a newborn as a gift. She was filled with gratitude, awe, and relief.
What followed this second childbirth was a gradual loosening of her fixation on the first. That original experience had been the focal point of her anger, sadness, isolation, and resentment — a symbol of all she had wanted but believed she would never have. A new, wholly positive experience helped release her from the grip of devastation and opened the door to deeper healing. She could now fully engage in Phase 2 of trauma recovery, Remembrance and Mourning, and move toward Reconstruction and Integration (Phase 3).
Using a cognitive-based therapeutic approach, we worked together to help S.J. explore the meaning she had assigned to her trauma and identify the behavioral patterns that had emerged in response. As she began to challenge those patterns, her sense of loss lessened. She created space to properly mourn her older child’s trajectory — the health and developmental challenges he would face, the joys and milestones he might never experience. No longer defined by trauma, S.J. found the capacity to forgive herself and care for her son with compassion and intention — qualities that had long been buried beneath grief. Her trauma became a part of her life story, no longer its central theme. She moved forward, parenting both a newborn and a special needs child with renewed purpose, understanding, and fulfillment.
Trauma recovery does not always mean complete freedom from post-traumatic effects. It is a multi-stage process, the goal of which is to mitigate long-term symptoms and restore a sense of safety and empowerment. A positive re-experiencing of the event — or of the context in which the event occurred — can offer an opportunity to reconstruct the narrative and loosen its emotional grip.